Anxious or Worried About the Start of a New School Year? Become Curious!
Did you know that at this time of year, some kids (and teachers) may get anxious and start to worry? Why, you ask? It’s almost August, so it will be time to go back to school. While some approach this time on the calendar as a “get to” go back to school, for others it is not so much. Where do you fall? Can you name your feelings about this?
My grandson is worried about going into middle school. We just discussed the transition program his new school offers and all its potential benefits before school starts. My grandson’s biggest worry is making new friends. As Dr. Jud Brewer recently shared on a Marc Brackett podcast, “anxiety is a feeling, but worrying is a behavior.” Sometimes we confuse worry with caring. We fail to question ourselves about what we get from worrying, running innumerable scenarios through our minds. We may even convince ourselves “it’s just who we are,” a worrier. Actually, worrying is more like a habit, and habits can be changed or broken.
Now let’s go back to getting to start a new school year. Do we have to make new friends? Do we have to meet new kids or teachers? Are we in a new building? Do we get to learn new routines? Do we get to meet new people? Try new things? Experience all sorts of new stuff? Probably…particularly if we are open to it…to the possibilities. What if we move our worrying behavior a smidgin to maybe feel a bit anxious before we actually become curious?
As Dr. Brewer shared, we might ask this one question of ourselves, “What am I getting from this?” This question moves us into the realm of curiosity and away from anxiety. What if we shift and ask ourselves, “What is happening here?”
On several occasions I’ve spoken with my grandson about pausing to identify and name his feelings. To do this, we need an emotion vocabulary and a protocol (tool) that helps us pause and identify what we are experiencing. Naming emotions gives us more power. As Brene Brown says, “… by using a more expansive language vocabulary, (we) help name our emotions. We know this from neuroscience — language does not just communicate emotion, it shapes … how we respond to emotion.” Knowing and understanding the difference between anxiety and worry is a start. If we add curiosity as a steppingstone to moving to a new emotion, we are building a pathway to new behavior.
As educators, we can get excited about a new school year. New kids, new things to try (even if we are teaching the same subject), new ways of being in the classroom because our classroom learning team has a new composition. As learners, kids are often concerned about making new friends, who they will already know, how they’ll be treated (by peers and adults), and what they’ll be doing. Guess what? Adults have those same worries, which can lead both kids and adults to be anxious. How can we help people be more curious?
One thing to remember about this topic is that some of us don’t really know how to communicate about our feelings. We never learned. People often feel intensely without being able to explain why. This is where increasing the emotional vocabulary and raising curiosity can help. If people see this kind of thinking and sharing modeled, some of the social risks may begin to disappear. We seldom speak in emojis, so this may be unfamiliar territory for some.
Dr. Brewer says if anxiety sounds like “oh no,” then curiosity sounds more like “oh.” As parents, co-workers and friends we can practice in conversations when we hear anxiousness by pausing and raising the “oh,” as a question. Oh? And what do you think …? What might it be like if …? Rather than considering that something is wrong (or going to be) or might need to be fixed, how can we switch thinking to a question about what might be happening?
Practice on yourself. When you notice yourself starting to worry or feel anxious, try one of two things.
Name Your Emotion
- 1. First, pause. Notice your reaction. What’s getting your attention?
- 2. Name the emotion you are feeling.
- 3. Identify where in your body you feel it.
- 4. Choose a healthy response.
Move to Curiosity
- 1. Worry is a behavior; anxiety is a feeling. Decide if you are worrying or feel anxious.
- 2. Move from “oh no” to “oh.”
- 3. Identify what is happening. Remember there are other words for anxiety, such as stressed, uncertain or overwhelmed.
- 4. Ask yourself a question. Start with “What am I getting from this?”
If you feel like you want to expand your emotional vocabulary, there are many resources available online (brief list below).
So what are you thinking about for the beginning of the school year? What are YOU curious about for yourself or your learners? How might you relieve your stress and theirs?
List of Feeling Words for Kids | YourDictionary
100 Feelings Words for Kids and Teens | Emotional Vocabulary List – TALKA Products
Feelings List for Kids – Mental Health Center Kids
Emotional-Vocabulary-List-tables-version.pdf
List of Emotions: 270+ Feelings Words to Name Yours (2026) — South Denver Therapy
Photo by Олег Мороз on Unsplash
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